Honest Conversation II

I love you.

Despite.

Regardless.

I love you.

Pain,
And the mystery of your
Absence,
Departure,
Sudden silence.

Wounds,
And scars.
Anger,
Frustration,
Resentments.

Nightmares
And deprivation
Of sleep
Of peace
Of hope
Of love.

Hollow things,
Missing pieces,
Emptiness and
No salvation prayers.

For an unknown reason,
You returned.
I fought my demons
And won.

And I love you.
Not because.
But regardless.
I love you,
Despite.

-Noemi Garcia Rigsby

Shazaam

Could love like this
Be possible?
Be lasting?
When reality brings our feet
To the hard earth beneath,
Will we still breathe with sighs
Of longing, with pauses
Of anticipation, with exhales
Of relief?

When everything falls away,
When mistakes are made,
And our walk together falters;
When I fall and you rise,
When I trip, and you crawl,
When I am lost, and so are you,
Will we find our way back?
Will we still continue hand in hand?

Are we possible? Are we real?
In a space where there is no fate,
No soul mates, no destinies.
Can we survive? Can we breathe?
In this life, in the next,
Will you wait for me?
Will you choose me, over and over,
And over again?

And beyond these bodies,
Beyond pleasures and beyond pain,
Can we breathe? Can we breathe?
The way we do, can you keep me alive,
Can you keep me,
If I keep you?

-Noemi Garcia Rigsby

Wednesday Blues

There is no gentleness,
No kindness,
No soft landings here.

Everything was once golden,
But the light never reached the shadows.
Where everything glittered
Were shards we tread upon
Cutting our soles to attain
Who really knows?
Always too high, too lofty
Unreachable goals.

But was happiness too much?
Perhaps it was envy,
Perhaps the dissatisfaction
Of looking in from windows
To all I could never have
All that is, that would never be mine.

Peace eluded me,
So I made up for it with pride.
But what is in me now?
Except for the vacuous hollow
The deep and dark emptiness
That hold all that I love
And somewhere from there,
The light explodes in my eyes.

-Noemi Garcia Rigsby

Growing Up

Will I always stand here?
At the ledge of everything that I am.
The precipice of everything
You have made me.

It's not a wonder then
That everything that I am,
Everything that I am not
Is pieces and parts
Of what you've given,
Stolen,
Broken.

And yet,
All I have is myself.
A mosaic shining,
Bleeding and pleading
Not to jump,
To hold on,
To breathe.

And I wonder who I would be.
Who would I be now without your hammer?
Who would I be now without you?
Would I be weak?
Would I be fragile and insipid?
Shallow, empty, and selfish?
Would I loathe myself in way
That I have never known?

But is this any better?
From where can I measure my fate?
Who will I become?
I am an uphill battle,
Losing my fight.
How long can I stay on this edge
And not plunge towards oblivion?

Once more,
One more day,
I have to save me.
Save myself.

And I hold my breath,
As invisible arms enfold me.
I have one,
Just one,
And He is my constant.
He is sufficient.

-Noemi Garcia Rigsby

Coward

It will take more than 
Saline tears flowing, 
Bleeding veins red and angry, 
Apologies without regret, 
To save you here. 

Because what laid in your shadows 
Was simple pretense, masked, 
And easy to ignore, 
What was once faceless, and nameless. 

Here it lays now bare and open, 
With luminescent eyes bright in the light 
Staring back at you, 
Blindfolds gone. 

Speared & wounded, 
It's now claimed you 
When you realize it never feared you; 
But it was you, you, 
Afraid, all knowing, that the sword 
Was never in your hands. 

There is no better punishment, 
Nothing more suitable now, 
Than to be it's slave, it's captive, 
To be shackled standing, 
As it stares you down, deep, 
And you can't, can't, 
Look back. 

-Noemi E. Garcia Rigsby 

Host

If I could only make your countenance my home.
Where I found the chambers empty.
Eyes marking a vacancy.

I want to graze where your scent
Blooms and lingers.
Jasmine and sandalwood,
Between the soft & heavy.
Between small sips and plenty.

I want to sleep in the cave
Where your collar never meets.
Where your chin sometimes rests,
When you bow your head.
Where your apple lays it's head.

I want to live inside your pulse
So that with each beat,
I'm spread over you all at once.
Reaching the tips of your fingers
Over and over.
And over.
And over.
In it's steady melodic rhythm.

Invade you completely without escape,
And have you slowly from the inside,
Building a fortress where my restless soul
Can finally repose.

-Noemi Garcia Rigsby
 

Living Like Me

Can laughter really be my medicine?
A simple cure,
For great agonies.

Only fools are lucky to be born.
Where ignorance is paradise,
Living is as simple as a breath.

For the sake of your beauty,
I hope you never wake up.
To see and know, that we are all
Drowing.

Open mouths, gasping for air
Desperate to breathe,
Desperate to reach the surface
Where the sun extends it's hands
But we are so far away.

For the sake of your joy,
I hope you never know pain.
There are those like us,
Who already died
And can see the ghosts in each other
Residing inside.

For the sake of your peace,
I hope you never become
Only the shell that carries your gentle spirit.
When gutted and empty:
Only Apathy.

For the sake of your being,
My lovely, my dove, my love.
May you never, never
Be me. 

-Noemi E. Garcia Rigsby