Honest Conversation II

I love you.

Despite.

Regardless.

I love you.

Pain,
And the mystery of your
Absence,
Departure,
Sudden silence.

Wounds,
And scars.
Anger,
Frustration,
Resentments.

Nightmares
And deprivation
Of sleep
Of peace
Of hope
Of love.

Hollow things,
Missing pieces,
Emptiness and
No salvation prayers.

For an unknown reason,
You returned.
I fought my demons
And won.

And I love you.
Not because.
But regardless.
I love you,
Despite.

-Noemi Garcia Rigsby

Shazaam

Could love like this
Be possible?
Be lasting?
When reality brings our feet
To the hard earth beneath,
Will we still breathe with sighs
Of longing, with pauses
Of anticipation, with exhales
Of relief?

When everything falls away,
When mistakes are made,
And our walk together falters;
When I fall and you rise,
When I trip, and you crawl,
When I am lost, and so are you,
Will we find our way back?
Will we still continue hand in hand?

Are we possible? Are we real?
In a space where there is no fate,
No soul mates, no destinies.
Can we survive? Can we breathe?
In this life, in the next,
Will you wait for me?
Will you choose me, over and over,
And over again?

And beyond these bodies,
Beyond pleasures and beyond pain,
Can we breathe? Can we breathe?
The way we do, can you keep me alive,
Can you keep me,
If I keep you?

-Noemi Garcia Rigsby

Wednesday Blues

There is no gentleness,
No kindness,
No soft landings here.

Everything was once golden,
But the light never reached the shadows.
Where everything glittered
Were shards we tread upon
Cutting our soles to attain
Who really knows?
Always too high, too lofty
Unreachable goals.

But was happiness too much?
Perhaps it was envy,
Perhaps the dissatisfaction
Of looking in from windows
To all I could never have
All that is, that would never be mine.

Peace eluded me,
So I made up for it with pride.
But what is in me now?
Except for the vacuous hollow
The deep and dark emptiness
That hold all that I love
And somewhere from there,
The light explodes in my eyes.

-Noemi Garcia Rigsby

Growing Up

Will I always stand here?
At the ledge of everything that I am.
The precipice of everything
You have made me.

It's not a wonder then
That everything that I am,
Everything that I am not
Is pieces and parts
Of what you've given,
Stolen,
Broken.

And yet,
All I have is myself.
A mosaic shining,
Bleeding and pleading
Not to jump,
To hold on,
To breathe.

And I wonder who I would be.
Who would I be now without your hammer?
Who would I be now without you?
Would I be weak?
Would I be fragile and insipid?
Shallow, empty, and selfish?
Would I loathe myself in way
That I have never known?

But is this any better?
From where can I measure my fate?
Who will I become?
I am an uphill battle,
Losing my fight.
How long can I stay on this edge
And not plunge towards oblivion?

Once more,
One more day,
I have to save me.
Save myself.

And I hold my breath,
As invisible arms enfold me.
I have one,
Just one,
And He is my constant.
He is sufficient.

-Noemi Garcia Rigsby