Post- Grad Thoughts

So I'm off in summer vacation. Pause. No, not summer vacation. School is officially over now. This summer is no vacation, its the birth of new life. Well, not really. It's more like a final goodbye to my former life. August I get married. My life is just beginning. How wonderful it is to think that it will begin next to one of the most wonderful human beings in the world. I cannot deny that God loves me. Not when He is this good to me.

Despite all the wonderful things that await me, adjusting to this new life is going to be hard. I'm not even speaking of the marriage part yet. I'm speaking of the part that is a life without papers, classes, and friends. I love school. Thinking that I won't be going back for an undetermined while makes me feel almost a little empty. It has not yet hit me that after the summer I won't be going back to Texas, but I will be making what looks like maybe permanent residence in cold Columbus, Ohio. What a change. I mean, my mom always said that I was like a Pandora's box. She said that I was always full of surprises (like hey mom I'm going to college in Texas! See ya! Then, Hey mom, I'm going to get married and live in Ohio! See ya!) But this surprise I did not anticipate. It was sudden, quick, and deep. I fell in love, and suddenly it was like nothing else mattered. I was unhinged from everything. There was only one thing that I longed to be bound to forever, Jared. So I made a completely sanely crazy choice. Marry him. Move to Ohio. That's where I'm headed.

Still, in this southern California friendly heat and perfect climate, its hard to believe that that's where I'm headed. It wasn't until I was wedding dress shopping that I felt a twinge of reality. Here, in the sunny summer of L.A. I couldn't feel more far away from the future. Every summer has simply been a break from my Texas home, just to miss it so I could go back again. Every summer I had a total other family, one that is no longer there. Not my immediate, biological family; but my church families. Both now seem marred. While I have managed to hold on to my childhood family somewhat, it has required sufficient force and attention. I have kept a very small portion of it. Then, there's the other family. The one I was glad to let go off because they're presence only incremented pain. It was hard, it was painful, but it was the most immense blessing of my life. It's funny how we don't think that losing things can be attributed as a blessing. But, I would have never found the life I have now if I would have held on to it. It's funny how someone who meant so much to you once, can be so repulsing later. Just the thought of their face, its enough to make you sick and your stomach turn. God truly spared me from the very worst.

My life in sunny California continues. Wedding all under way. I am the most happy I have ever been in my life. And there's a whole new exciting life waiting for me. God is good.