Thoughts of An Almost Pregnancy

So the answer, is negative. No babies yet! Talk about relief! Although, I told Jared it was positive just to be funny and never in my life have I seen such an expression on his face. He looked overwhelmed yet filled with joyful excitement. It was kind of sad to tell him I was kidding, but you know it made me realize a few things.

Jared and I go back and forth about having kids, after seeing this face, I know, I can't deprive him of children.

Secondly, for the time that seemed that we had almost created a being together, it was somewhat disappointing for it not to be true...and that's when I felt it. It was this link, for a split second, I felt like although Jared and I are married and closer than ever, there is nothing that truly links us. For a small moment I felt this powerful link between us, something that linked us for life, a link so powerful that only God could break. I came to a great realization that we are missing a very powerful link.

See, I realized now why my mom and dad stayed together for so long despite their hardships. When a life is created out of you, this incredible feeling sweeps over you, not just physically, but soulfully, that you are forevermore linked by the body and life of a child; that no matter what you do, will always always always be one of each. In one single life, the link of two beings is forever present and alive. Although marriage brings you together, it can’t intertwine you, it cannot force you to become one; it cannot force you to stay.

However, a child is you, and him. I realized a child is the product of two souls completely intertwining; becoming one is not about sex, but about fruit. Sex, in all the beauty and wonder that it is can never make you one person with your lover, but the fruit of that love is a single, ONE, whole being. “Becoming one” is about the end result.

This thought just boggled my mind because I would have never ever felt what I feel, and get what its all about unless I would have almost had a child. This whole thing is just so powerful. I can’t understand how anyone can willingly have sex, conceive, and despise the best part.

Marriage. It’s not all about sex, never thought it was.
Becoming one. Not all about sex either.
Life. That’s what God made all of this for. For a precious, miraculous, little life.
Love. Finally! A living, breathing testament to great love that exists between two people.

Can’t you see? The we ARE love. We are that ONE. Life and Love are one in the same. Just like God is love, He is also life. And this is how we are all His children. We are a product of his love becoming one with life!

God, as if you couldn't get any better!

My precious darling, you are years and years away from being in my arms, and already, in one tiny scare, you have taught me such a wondrous life lesson, probably the best yet. Whenever it is your time to come, I shall call you love. Alma. Our Soul! <3

Big Question

So life has been great, yet crazy lately. Where to start? Well Jared is going out on the road for two weeks and I'm so going to miss him. He is such a great help, and he rarely ever complains.My job is getting easier as I get used to taking more and more calls. And my sister is soon having her baby. Now for that I can't wait.

On to sad news, I think my parents may be splitting up, this time for reals.However, I don't really feel like talking about that right now. There is so much in my head. So much I need to get out. I think I'll come back tomorrow and fill in some holes.

I leave you with one biggie: I'm late. I am really late. And I'm waking up and usually falling asleep to nausea. Going to the doc tomorrow. My fingers are crossed for stress, but if God wants then He wants. Ay ay ay...I'll let you know how it goes..