So the answer, is negative. No babies yet! Talk about relief! Although, I told Jared it was positive just to be funny and never in my life have I seen such an expression on his face. He looked overwhelmed yet filled with joyful excitement. It was kind of sad to tell him I was kidding, but you know it made me realize a few things.
Jared and I go back and forth about having kids, after seeing this face, I know, I can't deprive him of children.
Secondly, for the time that seemed that we had almost created a being together, it was somewhat disappointing for it not to be true...and that's when I felt it. It was this link, for a split second, I felt like although Jared and I are married and closer than ever, there is nothing that truly links us. For a small moment I felt this powerful link between us, something that linked us for life, a link so powerful that only God could break. I came to a great realization that we are missing a very powerful link.
See, I realized now why my mom and dad stayed together for so long despite their hardships. When a life is created out of you, this incredible feeling sweeps over you, not just physically, but soulfully, that you are forevermore linked by the body and life of a child; that no matter what you do, will always always always be one of each. In one single life, the link of two beings is forever present and alive. Although marriage brings you together, it can’t intertwine you, it cannot force you to become one; it cannot force you to stay.
However, a child is you, and him. I realized a child is the product of two souls completely intertwining; becoming one is not about sex, but about fruit. Sex, in all the beauty and wonder that it is can never make you one person with your lover, but the fruit of that love is a single, ONE, whole being. “Becoming one” is about the end result.
This thought just boggled my mind because I would have never ever felt what I feel, and get what its all about unless I would have almost had a child. This whole thing is just so powerful. I can’t understand how anyone can willingly have sex, conceive, and despise the best part.
Marriage. It’s not all about sex, never thought it was.
Becoming one. Not all about sex either.
Life. That’s what God made all of this for. For a precious, miraculous, little life.
Love. Finally! A living, breathing testament to great love that exists between two people.
Can’t you see? The we ARE love. We are that ONE. Life and Love are one in the same. Just like God is love, He is also life. And this is how we are all His children. We are a product of his love becoming one with life!
God, as if you couldn't get any better!
My precious darling, you are years and years away from being in my arms, and already, in one tiny scare, you have taught me such a wondrous life lesson, probably the best yet. Whenever it is your time to come, I shall call you love. Alma. Our Soul! <3
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3 comments:
<3 i love you so much.
You are wonderful & it's amazing to get a glimpse into your life and see how much you are already growing in your marriage...
This is IT right here... thank you so much for expressing your heart so openly. You've given me a perspective & understanding that I might not have thought about deeply otherwise & i hope to have love like yours in the future. ;]
And i can't wait to see baby Rigsby whenever he or she comes!
Thank you! I'm so glad to have a little space where I can say what I truly feel..
and I am so privileged to have you reading it.
I know I don't know you in person,
but you bless me so well that I can't think of you any less than a great friend.
You are a love. Thank you for your constant blessings, prayers, & kindness.
<3 U!!
I just read your response now! I should definitely check the box that sends me emails for followup comments!
You are so sweet and i feel the same way about you! It's so funny how the internet can truly connect people! I am equally, if not more blessed, to have "met" you... and I can't wait until the day we meet in person, out in the real world! ;]
<3
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