I Rather Feel

For the first time, in a long time
Silence beckons me.

I don't wish to speak
Or be moved to tears
I can't say what hurts
Except that its everything.

And my only prayer
I only beg,
that please,
I may not become apathetic.

God I pray, don't let me stop feeling
Apathy, my Lord, feels like death.
Only worse than a ghost.
I am alive, but dead inside.

I feel anger,
I feel pain,
I feel betrayal,
I feel pressure,
I feel misery,
I feel grief,
I feel loneliness,
I feel homesick,
I feel helpless,
I feel lost,
I feel desperate...

And while these feelings mold themselves together
Into a mush of miserable fools
God, at least I can still feel.

And that alone, is my only comfort.

-Noemi E. Garcia Rigsby