Title

Awakened with a chip on my shoulder

The weight of my sorrow to leave me undone

With anger that I cannot justify.

The emptiness too vast to measure

My soul unfulfilled,

And it does not matter what lullabies I sing it,

It weeps gently still.

Will anyone lead me?

Will anyone show me?

Because, I am saddened, and angered

That I cannot write my own story.

So far, I have chapters 1 through 3

And still no meaning.

Asleep with a chip on my shoulder

To let my dreams disturb me;

And perhaps in their impossibility,

I might finally find me.

-Noemi E Garcia Rigsby

Art of Arson

If I lay in darkness,
Find my fury.
The shades of scarlet that spell your name
In flames.

You are fading,
Behind clouds of smoke
I see your face
In dreams, I feel weary
Carrying you as always.

Walking over coals,
It's hard to remember
Is it you I hold?
Or you that holds me?
All I can feel is the burning.

Arriving, running finger tips
Over old scars, over open wounds
Blood that smolders
Hearts beating ardently
And they drown the sorrow of your memory.

It's ending
And all I have is anger
Not recalling why:
I loved you,
I loathe you.

Arson fire by us.
Leave the past blazing
The ruins of us turning
To cinders, to ash, to soot.

Leaving us Criminals
With matches in our hands
And fires in our hearts.

-Noemi E. Garcia Rigsby

Haunted Houses

"Gentle Sleeper, dreaming for a life
Not yet for you to own
With nightmares here and between
That remind you of the love you think you know:"

Just a touch,
Is all it takes to breathe your air again
The lasting shadow of your memory
Proves to be torture
Proves to hate me.

Because I find you everywhere I'm not looking
And I see you in every pretty face
And I hear you in everyone's laughter
And I miss you mostly in the rain.

Your arms for branches
Limb from limb where I used to climb
Your tree house for a heart where I once slept,
Where I escaped to find adventure,
By your storm was blown away.

I woke up naked on earthy ground
Dirty and forsaken by your house
I thought you'd be mine for always
But you were too small, too big, in too many ways.

Your departure brought your ghost
And every new house is now haunted
Shadows passing,

The walls so beautiful, but thick with your voice
The beams so sturdy, but echoing your laughter
Your footsteps creeping by my lover's bed
And my only safety is the door that you make wide open
Beckoning my exit
Only to haunt me again.

-Noemi E Garcia Rigsby

The First Adam

I wonder how Adam became a man
If he was really particles of sand,
Or maybe particles of a man that
Could no longer take more.

Maybe he was a shell,
His life gutted
By the same thief who took his pearl.

I can't help but question if Adam was really
Dust and earth,
If God's breath was
Breath and air,
And Eve a rib, a bone.

Sometimes I feel like an Adam,

So broken beyond pieces,
I feel more ground, grinded into earth,
Into molecules, dusty particles
So small only God could pick them all.

And maybe there He remembered my shape
And formed me.
He had mercy, not pity,
And brought me to life.

I wonder if Adam was merely a man,
In desperate need of a God.

-Noemi Garcia Rigsby

*To: Him who only knows.

Emily

You are radiant,
Made up of all the colors that display themselves so bright
after a stormy morning
Bringing forth sunshine.

You are joy,
Arms open to heal any kind of wound
and to comfort a broken heart
With enough smiles to fill any weary mouth.

You are beauty,
With pearls that dance when you laugh
Chocolate eyes as sweet as their color
And arms of a butterfly.

You are Pure,
With quiet humility and gentle intentions
Your love is to make us laugh
And to look at life through your simplicity, and bask in it.

You are Peace,
With a melody of angels when you sing and laugh
When you tuck yourself in deep in our arms
And sleep.

You are Love,
When you play and twirl in your dresses
In your embrace and kisses
In sweet letters counting to infinity.

You are my radiance,
my joy,
my beauty,
my purity,
my peace,
my love,
You are my Emily.

-Noemi Garcia Rigsby

More Like Myself

Can I be different for a change?
For all you know, you don't know much
And the one you met is not as such.

Can you blame me,
If I want to be more like myself lately?
Will you judge me if I allow myself to show
All the colors, all the voices, all the emotions and the soul?
Because I've felt more like dust lately
Settling in the crevices of the likely
And blowing in the direction of the ordinary.

Would you be angry if I didn't apologize?
If every once in a while I declined?
If some days I said I had enough
Would you get mad if I was a little rough?
Because I'm weary of saying yes
And being left here with a mess
Only because you came before I
And no one did care if I died-
Or not.

Can I be more like myself lately?
Will you hear me just for me?
Will you not ask that I give up some pieces
And allow me to live with a little peace?

Can you see me resting upon your belongings?
Settling, gathering, provoking allergens
I can be cleaned away, thrown away
You never allow me to fully stay
But why go so far if I'll never fade?

Just let me become something more
Than your ruins, your neglect, your "what for?"
If you'll take me, I'll become me
And if you reject me, I'll still be becoming
Because, for once, I'll do what I need to do
To shed the old me, and become something new.

-Noemi E. Garcia Rigsby

Retrospect-----A little prose to change it up :)

There's so much more
I know about myself
Today.
Had I only know yesterday:

I still would have wandered penniless,
but feeling rich.
I still would would have danced,
but outside the confines of a room.
I still would have answered, "Yes"
but dared to be the one who asked the questions,
and declined more often.

I still would have stared into mirrors,
but praised my youthful body, instead of beckoning it for change.
I still would have studied my face,
but searched my eyes to find worth.
I still would have walked,
but confidently, regardless of the direction,
trusting my instincts.

Looking back,
Too little mistakes,
Is my greatest regret
Because despite them, pain or joy
All roads still brought me here

And perhaps I'd realize sooner:
That mistakes build character and confidence,
without the pride

Experience makes a person wholly,
even if religion cannot

And life is no more linear,
even if you can't backtrack,
it still makes good of all your bads

And God forgives not just the things you've done,
but should have done

And today,
Is not "all we've got."

-Noemi Garcia Rigsby