Re-Encounters

I saw your face again.
Years have passed
Since your eyes have met mine.

And yet, there was no mistaking.
I can only feel what I felt
With you, and no one else.

You pretended not to know my name,
But you knew how to say it,
Perfectly.

I could hear your chain,
Handcuffs ready,
Even though you knew I stole the key.

Soft brown eyes,
With words alluring from
Your lips chanting a spell,
That only works on the weak.

And I wondered to myself,
If I would ever be free of you.
Or if you would always find me
Each time taking on a different form.

I met you once.
And now I've met you twice.
And the next is always easier than the last.

Whispered in your ear,
I already know you.
To follow you,
Would be a shame.

And I knew then,
As you dissappeared,
That you would always come back,
More determined than the last.

-Noemi Garcia Rigsby

Salt

I met you by the sea,
Waiting under a moon
Tinted by blood,
Surrounded by stars lit.
A million candles burning,
Tiny flames.

Your arms extended,
Waiting to take flight.
To swim the ocean before us,
To reach the horizon,
The twilight where sky and sea
Are home.

We took our shoes off
To feel the sand beneath.
Tiny rocks and shells
Grounded, softened by the waters
That we hoped would save us too.

Clothes strewn about,
Footprints swallowed by
Hungry foam.
The mouth of the Ocean
That craved us,
Beckoned us.

We jumped in head first,
Taking swift and hurried strokes
Forgetting our breaths,
Heartbeats steadying to a silent rhythm
So that our eyes could finally see
Home.

-Noemi E. Garcia Rigsby

The Meet

Waiting for  you,
Window watching.
Silent prayers
Muttered into coffee cups.

You know everything,
Already.
So I wonder why the meeting?
And I run through my head
The million things I need to say.

"I get it,
I mean I know.
Why I'm here,
Why you made it this way,
I know."

Silent tears.
How do I tell you,
That I'm getting lost in the way?
It was easier before,
To be me, to be right.
 But I know it's not enough.

Now I've walked a million miles
In the shoes of the broken, the faithless,
the lost, and the guilty.
I've walked a cross
Bleeding my way through a crowd
That thought me once a saint.

Fear grips my heart to think,
I'll never make my way back to you.
That this darkness, will persevere
That the empty, that the blind,
That I'll die here.

And I've seen your hand walk me through
You've seen it all,
You know it wall,
So why the meet?

 I pause my stuttered fast sentences,
Waiting for my sentence from your lips
How much longer? Is there any other way?

No words, His hands extended
Scars that answered, "No."
Scars that replied, "You can never value anything, unless it costs you something."
Scars that cried, "You can never know love until you've walked their cross, in their own shoes."
Scars that comforted, "To win, you first must lose."

-Noemi E. Garcia Rigsby

Coats

With arms extended,
I received it.
Took hold of it
As if it were my own.

And perhaps,
I am part to blame
For I gave no rejections.
My inclinations taken as
Invitations.

And I cannot blame
The ones who proceeded.
Heavy coats on my shoulders,
With joy and lightness,
They left.

And it will only be I,
That wanders the world
Arms heavy, shoulders burdened
Aging my countenance.

And I have no one to blame,
Nothing to give.
With a crucifix in hand,
I count my prayers,
With every tear,
Removing a coat of agony.

-Noemi Garcia Rigsby

Tempered

Small tears and wrinkles
On soft white sheets,
Cool winds threaten to break
What should be whole.

An endless assessment,
Shows that not everything is Ok
At least, not yet.

Defeat.
Again.
It's all we've ever known
With hearts that go down
With the latest grade,
Saying not quite,
Not quite,
Not quite yet.

Enoughs and Sufficiencies,
Always, just out of reach,
Revealing the small repairs
There as a reminder,
Of our humanity.

But I saw them marching.
Beauty.
In lifted heads and confidence.
Covered in sheets of white
With wrinkles and tears.

With tears in their eyes,
They looked towards the sun
Broken vessels of glass,
With every corner
Shining right back.

Their hands lifted,
Hearts golden,
Finding freedom
In the cracks.
Soft chants singing,
"Enough is enough,
 This is who we are."

-Noemi E. Garcia Rigsby

Ghost and Soul

Because my eyes fell empty
When I saw you escape from me
And now I see your shadow
Follow me home.

I am a hollow man,
Devoid of you.
But you circle me gently,
Hover over me while I sleep.

You wake me in sweats
And tears.
My bones screaming,
"Who are you now?"

Because I become someone different
Every day, someone new
Trying to replicate something
Since the moment I lost you.

You float so near to me,
But I can't catch you.
And I have no right,
Not until I know you,
Know you like you know me.

I can't have you,
Nor claim you,
As you will not have me
Until I can build inside
The home you like.

 -Noemi Garcia Rigsby

Cravings

Day 3,
White tubes with liquids
Coming in and coming out.
I stare into the ceiling
Where plaster plays with my eyes
Creating figurines of your face
Your hands,
Your eyes.

They pierce through me
Threatening lures,
Offering sustenance without substance
Inviting me to secret places,
Where we trade dignity for pleasure.

My body quivers at the thoughts,
Thin cotton covering my body
A steady note to remind me I'm alive,
And I need you.

Pale lips,
Sweat covering my brows,
Fingers twitch.
I romanticize our indiscretions,
Play fabricated scenes of a fancy future
When I know,
I know,
You will take my life to ruin.

But today, I don't know how to give  you up.

-Noemi E. Garcia Rigsby

Snakes and Graves

A pick and shovel.
Arms heavy.
Hands dirty.

I feel you at my feet,
Slowly creeping your way
Rough skin tightening,
Threatening.

Tranced and lured
By your dark green eyes,
I drank from your lips
With hunger and fervor.

One bite,
And I can feel it taking over
Toxins coursing inside
My death looming,
No matter how much I bleed out.


The hole gets deeper before me,
Darker as your arms embrace me,
Hands around my neck ,
Choking, suffocating,
While I delight in their touch.

A gradual, slow death
By choice.
Your whispers, sweet caresses
 Say cruel goodbyes.

With a tug, you let go.
Immobile limbs,
Eyes shut,
I feel the earth pour over my body,
But no one will count this murder
A suicide.

-Noemi Garcia Rigsby

Red Heaven

There are whispers in the night
About you, about me .
And I see myself dissipating,
My skin turning to mist.

Your arm over me like dew
Wet and warm,
But it can't hold me.

Creeping steps approach,
Two cold hands to lead me:
Out and Out.
Through and Through.

Gardens and paradise
If I'm right.
Fire and Flames
If we're wrong.

A suitcase full of bones,
And Questions.
Books of thoughts and poetry,
Longings of a legacy
Put together to remind you ,
"Who Are You?"

I left you there to wonder,
Until the day cold hands lead your way
If You were right,
Or we were wrong.
If I was right,
And we were wrong.

If we were right about everything
All along.

-Noemi Garcia Rigsby

Mares y Cielo

Una belleza sin fin.
De piel a boca
Ojos que cambian
Azules a Negros
Dependen del dolor.

Sin causa, sin ayuda,
Me estoy perdiendo en ti.
Y las olas me ahogan
Solo para morir en ti.

Eres mi cielo
Paraiso con soles,
Flores, fruta,
Y Mar.

Te me escapas come arena
Solo para conquistarme
Seras mi final, mi fin.

-Noemi Garcia Rigsby

Poster Boys

Threats.
That's all you have
But how they own me.

With hands around my neck
A noose thrown over a rafter
Step ladders and blindfolds.

A sweet breath against my ear
Caressing words of coming doom,
You will undo me.
 Like tight knots with soft hands.

Dark black eyes that beckoned me
Summoned me back to life
Awakened to your danger.

Your beauty marked a trail.
You called out my name
Over and over,
 X marked over the ledge.

 An exit to my left,
Sins can turn to tragedy
So I left with the morning sun.
Your threats but shadows,
Cast but will never come.

-Noemi Garcia Rigsby

Apparitions

Wooden floors,
Leading stairways into dark rooms
I was always afraid.
Faked bravery in my walk,
Bravado in each step.

But I should have known.
I saw your shadows by candlelight
Your lover whispering warnings
Making nightmares of my dreams.

Pale sheets hovered towards me
Outlines and semblances of living sleep
Vague lights and translucent white.

Eyes wide, I took you in.
Not a scream, not a whimper.
My heart raced, my legs begged me
My body shook as you stared in
And I stared through.

You come back to haunt me.
To creak my wooden floor,
To close all my doors,
Pour over me cold,
And wake me with silent screams.

I can't decide if you come from above,
Or from below.
Because you torture me
Yet entice me, that it will end
One day, we will find peace.

Until then, neither you,
Nor I,
Shall sleep.

-Noemi Garcia Rigsby

Split and Steal

Perhaps it was the unspoken
Tears held back
Expressions controlled
Across the table,
you lied.

Our love on pause
You hid your card
Mine marked play,
Yours delete.

You never showed up
To the reveal,
Where I held my card up
And you walked away
Rich and free.

But I would have let you win
Let you keep it all
You didn't have to hide away
Keep your silence about the choice you made.

Didn't you know?
I don't need anything from you
I would have let you go.

Now, instead,
We're strangers
Afraid of words
Afraid to find each other
Again.

-Noemi Garcia Rigsby

Truth and Dare

Where shadows pass
We cease.
As light won't touch you
The darkness will absorb us.

In this twisted game of silence
Where you pretend to love me
And I keep my hatred secret
So the crowds won't see the smoke
The fumes that rise from our inferno
Where you comfortably made our home.

Our bed on fire
Ashes to ashes
Of a love forgotten
Of friends now turned enemies
Where we smile at a distance
Weapons hidden, truth or dare.

A  blind stare down as we keep our eyes shut
Where prayers are murmured in hushed breaths
Where the challenge will undo us
As there are no winners left
No heroes here to spare.

We will rescind cowards not because of fear
But for pride, pity, and bystanders
Because we'll die at the dare, kill each other at truth.

Instead, we'll lie, kill each other slowly
With silence as our poison,
And die as star crossed lovers
Burying the truth as a dare.

-Noemi Garcia Rigsby

Butchers

Easy scars that fade
Faster than I can take the time to
Memorize their lines,
Or remember how the blood once spilled from them.

 But can you ever forget the face of your butcher?
Can you erase the hungry look in his eyes?
Murderous, craving, preying
Your mirror reflecting an easy meal.

Your feet still feel the fast grass beneath
As you pound the ground hard
Razors cutting on the way to escape
Praying above not to miss a step or be caught.

Laborious breathing,
You're still catching your breath
Accelerated beatings in your chest
Your ears still perked to every sound.

Sweat still spills from my brows
Against this wall where you gave up
The knife plunged on the other side
Where it came so close to ending me
Only to prove that I can survive.

I can let my scars fade into this thick skin
But I wont let my heart forget
Forget the way you kissed to bite me
To put your arm around me to choke me
To love me to betray me

I wont forget that you can want me
Just to watch me die slowly
To swallow me up wholly
And bury me underground.

But you won't silence me
Anymore.

-Noemi Garcia Rigsby

Rising

You have no concern for me
I learned that the hard way
Today.

I refuse to yield,
To forgo myself for your pleas
I refuse to give,
More of myself for successes
That no longer apply to me.

Instead, I'll scream at the top of my lungs
This is me, not nameless, not faceless
This is me.

You can make us generalizations
But by blood we are bound
And we are one, and one, and one.
You can't escape the truth of what's been done

Whether allegiances are here or there
You had to choose
And no one is blind
Even you.

But I refuse to yield,
To give myself,
To surrender,
More of me

Because this is all I have
I am not nameless, I am not faceless
Look at me!
I am fearless, I am tameless
This is me.

-Noemi Garcia Rigsby

Good Luck

I have it in mind to tell it all
To tell you exactly how I want it to be.

Tell me,
When you moved toward the sunset
Without a single word,
Did you think of me?

You took it all,
Every single possession,
Every treasure from every room.

I woke up on the floor
Cold.
You took even the blankets,
though they still had the scent of our sleep.

Our bed was too small for me and you.
So you went, without a whisper
Without a sound.
And everyone still blames me.

My hands are empty, myself depleted
What I gave you was never enough
And as I watch you move farther towards the moon
I hope with spite, you'll never be a star.

When you thought I slept,
I took my chance
And clipped your wings instead.

And no, I won't apologize
Like you never will to me
All I can say is,

"Thank you"
and
"You're Welcome."

-Noemi Garcia Rigsby

False Pretemse

False Pretense- The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus


Oh, it's time to let it go

The world's got a funny way of turning 'round on you
When a friend tries to stab you right in the face
Losing faith in everything I thought I hoped I knew
Don't sweat it, it was set on false pretense

Betrayed but not gonna be willing to change
And it doesn't seem likely to fade
Betrayed but not gonna be willing to change
Cu-cu-cu-cuz you know...

It's sacrifice
False pretense you'll learn again
Stop pretending don't deny
False pretense you'll learn again

All along you know you thought you got the best of me
You were wrong and I'm laughing right in your face
I cannot believe you claimed you were my family
Don't sweat it, it's set on false pretense

Betrayed but not gonna be willing to change
And it doesn't seem likely to fade
Betrayed but not gonna be willing to change
Cu-cu-cu-cuz you know...

It's sacrifice
False pretense you'll learn again
Stop pretending don't deny
False pretense you'll learn again

[Spoken:] guitar

Oh, it's time to let it go

I can't seem to understand it how you turned out to be so cold
You tried but were caught red handed, are you happy with your role?
It's funny to me how you've turned into such a joke...

It's sacrifice
False pretense you'll learn again
Stop pretending don't deny
False pretense you'll learn again

So play the game until you run out
And play the game into my hand

Today

I wish I could offer my forgiveness as easily as I release my love. I give my love & confidence to people so effortlessly. Yet, when my trust is broken, when I feel the injustice of their actions piercing, I can't let go. I want to so desperately let go and forgive. I don't want to carry the weight of anger and resentment. Everyday, I feel the heaviness of it all in my heart. I want to scream at the top of my lungs until it's all released, but I can't. So here it remains. I don't want to hurt people I love by screaming about it. I don't want bystanders, even if I was one.

God I beg you with my very depths, please help me to forgive and let go of this. Please release me from this somehow. Even if my mind says they are unworthy of it, help me! If your will is for me to remain silent yet again, help me. I will face this injustice how you fare me to my Lord. Vindicate me oh God, but I beg that when that day comes, I will not rejoice in it. I want nothing more than apathy.

I want to expel them from my life. I want to remove them from me, or remove myself from them as far as possible. I don't know if I can do this again God. I don't know if I can stand idly silent while they mar my name. I don't know if I can stay silent as they cover themselves with lies for their own selfish reasons. I don't know God, I don't know. Lord, I beg you to please help me. I just can't do this again. Lord, how will I face the people at my doorstep again with questions about the lies? How do I explain again? I cannot, cannot do it again. Please I beg, help me.

Dear Lord, help me to trust you. Help me to trust your love for me. I know you will vindicate me as you always have. Please help me until that day comes. Bring justice to my cause.

-Noemi

Argon of Aragon

Your puffed up lips
So pompous, so full
Confidence is for the mighty
Arrogance for the weak.

So delicate, and still raw.
And I know that to you,
What I give, is never enough
I know, I know.

You did not fail to conspire today
Like I always fail to inspire
But having yourself, to yourself is sufficient
You never fail to satisfy you.

You think me jealous, envious
But what is there to want from you
Are you not always in want?
Wanting more, and more?

You don't even believe
That you will never be good enough
Not to them- even if you were to me,
Yet, you blame me for lacking.

Your invitations ceased,
And I found myself in luck to have fallen from your favor,
To nevermore be invited to your banquet table
Where you daily sell yourself to the highest bidder

To be spared to see you like pyrite
Only to look at me on your way
Over your shoulder you glance,
Thinking me covetous
If only you knew: it was simply
pity.

-Noemi E. Garcia Rigsby

Boulevard Lane

You return flaunting everything.
Everything that is yours
And not mine.

You paid a few cents today
To get your face on the front page.
Just so you could stare at me
Just to torture me from the front of every house.

And when people ask you about me,
You turn away
You pretend again, nothing happened
I am nothing
Too little to let go with words.

Without mention, you dispersed
Burned the bridge to my house that you and I,
so cleverly,
so thoughtfully built together.
And here I stand watching the flames dance

All while you parade yourself,
Mindless and heartless,
You won't even utter my name.

But you'll claim me as the arson
You the victim, the hero that tried to put out the flame.
Indeed love, it was you
Without words you blew us into darkness.

And all that's left are the tongues of evil men
To eat at us til there is truly nothing left.

-Noemi Garcia Rigsby