Today

I wish I could offer my forgiveness as easily as I release my love. I give my love & confidence to people so effortlessly. Yet, when my trust is broken, when I feel the injustice of their actions piercing, I can't let go. I want to so desperately let go and forgive. I don't want to carry the weight of anger and resentment. Everyday, I feel the heaviness of it all in my heart. I want to scream at the top of my lungs until it's all released, but I can't. So here it remains. I don't want to hurt people I love by screaming about it. I don't want bystanders, even if I was one.

God I beg you with my very depths, please help me to forgive and let go of this. Please release me from this somehow. Even if my mind says they are unworthy of it, help me! If your will is for me to remain silent yet again, help me. I will face this injustice how you fare me to my Lord. Vindicate me oh God, but I beg that when that day comes, I will not rejoice in it. I want nothing more than apathy.

I want to expel them from my life. I want to remove them from me, or remove myself from them as far as possible. I don't know if I can do this again God. I don't know if I can stand idly silent while they mar my name. I don't know if I can stay silent as they cover themselves with lies for their own selfish reasons. I don't know God, I don't know. Lord, I beg you to please help me. I just can't do this again. Lord, how will I face the people at my doorstep again with questions about the lies? How do I explain again? I cannot, cannot do it again. Please I beg, help me.

Dear Lord, help me to trust you. Help me to trust your love for me. I know you will vindicate me as you always have. Please help me until that day comes. Bring justice to my cause.

-Noemi